I have always had big emotions. As a child, my sad was despairingly sad; my happy was exuberantly happy; and my mad was irrationally mad. I cried easily and often, not just because my feelings were hurt, and they often were, but also because I saw other people hurting. It didn’t occur to me as a young child that my big feelings were anything but normal, but as I got older, I quickly learned that being so emotional did not make me the most popular girl in school. So, I decided that I wouldn’t have such big emotions. I would be strong and good and smart, and I would not cry.
That didn’t stop my emotions from coming, but I pushed them down deep inside and didn’t let them show. I became driven to succeed, to be liked, and not to be emotional. And I did just that. I was a cheerleader in high school, and I graduated as valedictorian of my high school class. I went to college and became a pharmacist. And I fell in love, got married, and had two beautiful children. My life looked perfect. I was living the dream, or at least that is how it looked on the outside. But on the inside, I was a mess. All those years of doing and never feeling had caught up to me. I was exhausted and overwhelmed. My health was beginning to fail.
I began taking medications for depression, stomach problems, and allergies. I could barely stay awake while I was driving home from work. In fact, I fell asleep at the wheel on more than one occasion. I had no energy for my husband or my kids, who were toddlers at the time. But still I pushed myself to continue to be a successful working wife and mother, this image of who I thought I should be, regardless of how I felt.
Then one day I realized I couldn’t continue any longer. I knew that at 30 years of age, I should not be feeling as badly as I did. I needed help, but I wasn’t sure where to turn. A friend of mine had been trying a new diet that had helped her to improve some of her health issues and had increased her energy. I was willing to try anything, so I started the diet. Within a few weeks, I felt better, so much so that I made an appointment with a natural health practitioner in my area that used this diet as the foundation for her practice. It was then that I discovered natural therapies; nutrition, homeopathy, and herbs.
The scientist part of me found these modalities very interesting, and I got really excited about learning a new way to be healthy. I began to take care of my whole self, not just my symptoms. I changed my diet; I started an exercise program that worked for me; and I took herbs, homeopathy, and a few supplements to repair the damage I had done to my body. I was able to stop taking all of the medications I was on. I felt like a new person.
I wanted to learn more, so I delved into learning about holistic medicine. I read all the books I could get my hands on. I talked in depth to my naturopath about her practice and her training. I finally decided I wanted to become a naturopath myself. I enrolled in an online program through a natural health college and I was off. I completed the college’s online natural wellness certificate, and then decided to continue my studies at a four year naturopath program not far from my home.
I began my first year there with enthusiasm and excitement. I couldn’t learn the information fast enough. It was all so interesting, and made so much sense to me. I was loving the program; that is until I began trying to finish the required 20-page research paper and study for finals that consisted of 2 days of written and oral testing. I hit a wall. I couldn’t do it. I was back in pharmacy school trying to make deadlines and studying instead of sleeping, all while trying to work and take care of my family. So I quit. I agonized over my decision, but I just couldn’t do it. I had wanted so badly to become a naturopath so I could help people find solutions to health issues that medical doctors just don’t offer.
I wanted to help people find renewed health and vitality through holistic health like I had found. I felt like a failure, but I could not muster up the strength to go back and continue pushing myself beyond my physical, mental, and emotional limits. And besides, I was still a pharmacist. Did I really need more letters behind my name to do start a business doing natural health consultations? I already had a natural wellness certificate. So, I decided to give it a try. I formed a business, set up an office in my house, and began trying to build a practice. I even got so bold as to quit my job as a pharmacist.
Fast forward to a year later. My practice is not booming. I am getting frustrated because the few clients I do have are not making nearly as much progress in their health goals as I would like, and my savings is dwindling. I felt hopeless. Maybe I should go back to school, I thought. I just don’t know enough, I told myself. So I started searching for other natural health programs online that I might be able to fit into my schedule that wouldn’t take all of my time or energy.
I was not having much luck, until I stumbled onto an energy medicine school. I was intrigued. I knew a little about energy work. I had a friend who was a Reiki Master, and I had taken a first level Reiki class from her and had become certified myself. Before I knew it, I had enrolled. And it was there I that I discovered, or remembered, that I am a soft, sensitive, loving person, and that living my life as a robot all of those years was what was making me sick. I just needed to feel again. I needed to listen to what my body was trying to say to me.
Through my work at the energy medicine school in combination with all of the other holistic work I have done, I have more energy, I can feel deeply what my body wants, and I feel a calling deep inside myself to help others do the same.
That is my story. I have spent almost 10 years now learning about natural health modalities, and have found many of them very helpful and even invaluable in bringing my body back into balance. But I did not find true wellness until I began allowing myself to feel my feelings and really listen to what I had been trying to push down for so long.
Illness is your body’s way of communicating with you that you aren’t listening to what it is trying to say; that you have strayed from your path. It is your body’s way of telling you that you are on this earth for a reason, and you have forgotten that reason.
Illness can be the beginning of self-discovery and a light back to your path. My path is to help others get back onto theirs. That is why I am so passionate about this healing work. My intent with my healing sessions is to provide my clients with a loving environment where they can begin to feel the innate wisdom deep within themselves, and give them guidance and support as they learn to feed and support their body, mind, and spirit in a healthy way.