I have not posted in quite a while, partly because I have been so busy, and partly because every time I think about posting, I talk myself out of it because I judge what I have to say as not good enough or inspiring enough, or worthy of a blog post. But today, I realize that I wanted to share my thoughts regardless of their imperfections.
A few months ago, my husband, Mark, and I purchased The Healing Center of Lakeview. (We are working on a new website, but check out our current website TheHealingCenterofLakeview.com.) It has always been a dream of mine to own this little health food store/wellness center/gift shop in our quaint little hometown of Lakeview, Michigan. We took over the store on April 1st, and ever since I have been living in a whirlwind of new experiences, some of which have been amazing, and some that have been very overwhelming for me. I dove right in to learning the ropes of being a business owner, so excited to finally have a brick and mortar outlet for all of the wonderful natural healing modalities I have learned over the past few years.
I decided I would spend as much time as possible in our new store less the 2 days a week I continue to work at the pharmacy just to make sure the store is financially sound before taking the leap to quit my job as a pharmacist that has been my steady income for the past 20 years. I went from working 3 days a week as a pharmacist and having the rest of the week to devote to my coaching business and taking care of myself to working 6 days a week with no time for myself at all. I knew better, but I figured it would be a short-term thing, and that my life would soon return to a more regular schedule with more free time in the near future. That was my first mistake.
My second mistake was disregarding the value of what I had created with my Intuitive Wellness Coaching business. When we bought The Healing Center, I began trying to redefine myself yet again as to what my role as a natural health practitioner truly is. I have struggled with this question and thought I had found the answer when I launched my coaching business. But as I stepped in to my role as owner of The Healing Center, somehow I thought that being an Intuitive Wellness Coach wasn’t enough, and that I needed yet another degree or certificate to validate my worth as a natural health practitioner. You see, I have spent half of my life seeking perfection, and I have spent the other half rejecting what I consider to be less than perfection. Perfection is a very high standard to have to live up to. I would never expect it of my family or friends, but yet I continue to expect it of myself.
I also have this very bad habit of trying to be who I think others expect me to be, and for some reason, I wasn’t sure the little town of Lakeview was ready for an Intuitive Wellness Coach. So I took the pieces of my coaching business apart and begin offering each piece separately, downplaying this amazing coaching program that I had put my heart and soul into creating – something that is a total reflection of me. The crazy part is, I spent 3 years in energy medicine school learning that the only way to be happy is to be myself. For some reason, I forgot, or decided to disregard, this invaluable piece of information thinking that I just have to make the store successful, and then I can be myself again.
Yesterday, as I was driving home from yet another class (that I have already taken once before) after working all week between the pharmacy and The Healing Center, feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and ready to cry, I realized I was doing it again. I was striving for perfection instead of being okay with who I am right now. I was rejecting the years of knowledge I have accumulated and how much I have to offer to my clients at this very moment. And I decided that I have to stop. I came home, had dinner with my husband, and decided that I would not be attending class today.
Instead, I stayed up late last night watching Netflix and cuddling with my husband. I slept in this morning, observing what Mark and I have come to call “Sunday Funday”, which always begins with sleeping in, then lying lazily in bed in each others arms, talking and laughing and discussing whatever comes to mind. It is in moments like this that I remember who I am and that my purpose is not to strive for perfection, but to live each moment completely present and in gratitude and to love myself and everyone around me. That is the joy of living. And so my purpose today is to post this blog post regardless of its imperfections, and to relax and enjoy this beautiful summer day with my family.
As for what my role as natural health practitioner is, or should be, it doesn’t really matter what I call myself. I love helping people to be well, and I am very good at it. I will always want to learn more; that is part of who I am, but I don’t need another degree or certificate to validate that I am a healer. And not sharing who I am and what I do in fear of what others think or that I am not good enough is not an option for me. It is time for me to shine my light so that others may shine theirs.